Brad Keyes, Climatism Fortune Teller

It is a wickedly satirical look into the future of the climate debate by Brad Keyes (here). The comic relief is welcome as a refreshment from pushing back against the relentless fictional claims and alarms. Lots of inside jokes and sceptics’ wish dreams concerning future misfortunes of leading alarmist figures.

The post covers a lot of ground as Keyes looks into his crystal ball and reports on happenings he sees from 2017 up to 2052. Everyone’s funny bone is different, but these were especially entertaining, IMO:

2017 – Michael Mann’s courtroom loss decried as “a death knell for free speech.”

2018 – ECHR agrees “Holocaust denier” is an intentionally demeaning reference to climate denial.

2018 – James Hansen blames eclipse on global warming, but others hesitate to attribute any specific EAE (extreme astronomical event) to carbon emissions.

2019 – The Trenberth Travesty is captured by satellite imagery.

2020 – Psychiatric Manual of Mental Disorders updated to deal with Weather control delusional disorder, Munchhausen’s by proxy and Medieval global warming denial.

2023 – Weary of the emotive, polarizing nature of the debate, scientists will now refer to global warming as “climate 9/11.”

2024 – Drawing heavily on the principles of the Delphi Technique, Naomi Oreskes changes the scientific method to the Delphi Technique.

2025 – In simultaneous media releases around the globe, every scientific body of international or national standing announces that the only safe atmospheric CO2 concentration is zero ppm. They explain: “Lowballing” is the only way to achieve 300-400 ppm.

2027 – The first climatically-correct chemistry textbooks appear in Australian high schools. The dioxide anion has been renamed ‘pollution’; chemical symbol C now stands for ‘cancer.’

2028 – It’s official: reputable science website SkepticalScience quietly removes “Consensus levels have plateaued” from its list of myths.

2031 – A Climateball stadium becomes the scene of ugly rioting today after a supporter of the denier (pro-cancer-pollutionist) side is overheard using the hate term “w_rmist.”

2034 – Spring is silent this year after a wind turbine kills the last American bald eagle.

2037 – As sea level rise continues to defy expectations, tracking almost 1m (3ft.) below ensemble model projections, science’s newest fear is that the Earth’s surface will be completely dry by the year 51000.

2038 – An attempt to replicate the Doran and Zimmermann [2009] consensus survey instead finds most of the scientists now deny the science, with almost 85% endorsing the statement that “According to the weight of the data, the evidence is wrong.”

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2 comments

  1. Brad Keyes · May 30, 2016

    Glad you liked it! In case it wasn’t clear, it was meant as a sequel to a sequel to this article at Jo Nova’s. (The intermediate sequel is still pending.)

    Like

    • Ron Clutz · May 30, 2016

      Thanks Brad. One really has to be steeped in the twists and turns of the CO2 hysteria movement, and all the machinations of its proponents to catch most of your humor. It’s like Mad Magazine in its heyday, or watching The Budapest Hotel paying careful attention to things in the corner of the frame. You and Mark Steyn are both pieces of work. Keep it up.

      Liked by 2 people

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